David Louis Edelman David Louis Edelman

The Jump 225 Jumbo Mega-Bonanza Summer Giveaway, Week 3

In last week’s contest — week 2 of 4 — I asked you to submit your favorite science fiction parody porno titles. I did indeed get some creative entries, though not as many as I would have liked. (And from many of the same people who entered last week.)

The winner this week is Jim Haley. The title he submitted would never fit on a DVD case, but he scores extra points for hitting Douglas Adams’ entire Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, including “Young Zaphod Plays It Safe”:

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Porn CoverThe Hooker’s Guide to Servicing Aliens at the Truckstop at the End of the Universe, Avoiding His (Her/Its) Wife, Her Purse, and Everything in It, and Knowing When It’s Time to Say, So Long, You Were a Quite a Dish (with the addendum Young Bods May Not Like to Play It Safe, But They’re Mostly Harmless Anyway)

And if that wasn’t enough, he submitted a number of other good titles, including:

The Unzip My Fly Effect

and

So LONG… But It Smells a Little Like Fish

The closest runner-up was Mike Wolffe, for his fabulous entry:

Butt Pirates of the Perineum: At Girl’s End

(I might have awarded Mike the contest, if I didn’t eliminate him for reasons of nepotism. I’ve actually known Mike since we both stood out in deep right field in a softball game in fifth grade and let fly balls fly by us. Go read Mike’s blog, if you want to see some great photography, deviant humor of the Butt Pirates of the Perineum sort, left-wing politics, general deep thoughts, and lots of Calvin and Hobbes. But I should warn you, this is a guy who still likes Guns N’ Roses.)

As for other runners-up… Stephen Stull came close to the grand prize with an entry that made me grin. Although in the end, I thought Titus Groans was a little too — well, obvious.

GormenghASSED Revisited: Titus Groans… Again.

Dave Crampton submitted a few good entries as well, but the one that really made me giggle was:

Anansi Boys on Boys

Very simple and elegant. Neil Gaiman would be proud.

Update, July 14 @ 10:20 AM: A few late-arriving entries from Geoffrey Allan Plauche that, while not eligible for the contest, are still worthy of inclusion on the honorable mentions list:

Joe Hadaman’s The Forever Whore
Joe Abercrombie’s Before They Are Banged
John Scuzzi’s Old Man’s Whore
Fred Pole’s Man Plus Man
David Louis Edelman’s Hoquake: Book One of the Hump 269 Trilogy

* * *

For this week’s contest, due to popular request (and due to this blogger wishing to get more contest entries so as to not look foolish), I’m opening up entries to the entire world. Yes, that means you, in Zimbabwe! And you, in Portugal! And you, in the Cayman Islands! Not to mention you, in the United States.

I’m also going to lower the decency bar back down where it belongs, in deference to all of the Internet censors in your foreign countries. In fact, I’m so interested in getting your input that I’m going to let you influence the course of the next U.S. presidential election.

John McCain and Spider-ManYour task is this: pick a comic book superhero to run as either Barack Obama’s or John McCain’s running mate this fall. And then tell me why said superhero would be an asset to the ticket. You can be funny — or heck, if you can really think of some good, solid reasons why Obama should choose Wolverine as his vice president or McCain should be stumping through Idaho with Nick Fury, I’ll be willing to reward a thoughtful enough entry with the prize.

Example: “John McCain should choose Spider-Man as his running mate in ’08, because 1) his punchy one-liners could really liven up McCain’s stump speeches, 2) who knows, underneath that costume, Spidey might be a black guy too, and 3) his New York residency might actually help win the state for the GOP.”

Same contest rules apply as before. Email your response to dedelman@gmail.com with the subject line “Summer Giveaway Contest 3”. Entries are due Sunday, July 20 at 11:59 pm Eastern Time. Submit as many entries as you like. Winning entry gets:

  • One signed copy of the Solaris mass market of Infoquake
  • One signed copy of the Pyr trade paperback of MultiReal
  • One signed copy of The Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, Volume Two (containing my story “Mathralon”)
  • One signed copy of the new Overlook Press edition of Mervyn Peake’s Titus Alone (containing my introduction)

Update, July 21 @ 10:10 AM: The winner of this week’s contest has been announced.

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  1. Jim Haley on July 14, 2008 at 10:18 am  Chain link

    Thanks so much for choosing one of my submissions – I’m glad you enjoyed them. It was fun to think up the parody titles.

  2. Yaron on July 15, 2008 at 7:04 am  Chain link

    It’s a pity that there isn’t a comic about you, as both your presidential candidates could use the marketing savvy. Opening the contest for international submissions, thereby making the foreign readers happy, while picking a very US-centric topic to ensure that the winner will still be in the US, thereby not having to ship the prize internationally. Brilliant! 😉

    On a (slightly) more serious front, how famous do the comic book heroes have to be? Will old and obscure ones work? Will ones that are in web comics, but never actually been in a comic “book” do? What about foreign ones that most people in the US probably never heard of?
    I’m not having anything specific in mind yet, just wondering.

  3. David Louis Edelman on July 15, 2008 at 8:32 am  Chain link

    Yaron: *sigh* I suppose you’re right. Hadn’t really thought of it that way, seeing as I made the decision to open up the contest to the world on Wednesday and didn’t think of a suitable contest until, oh, about 5 minutes before I posted this early Monday morning. (10 minutes if you count the time it took to Photoshop Spider-man into a photo of John McCain.) Suppose I’ll have to open the last contest to everyone too and find some suitable universal topic that gives people outside the US a fighting chance. (Suggestions appreciated…)

    As for your question… There’s no requirement that they be famous or non-obscure superheroes. Be as obscure as you like. But keep in mind that I, the judge, am more likely to get the joke if it’s a superhero from the mainstream DC/Marvel pantheons.

  4. Yaron on July 16, 2008 at 8:10 am  Chain link

    No need to take it too hard, I was only half-serious. It’s true that in theory people from outside the US should know the candidates a lot less better, but in practice I’m not getting the impression too many Americans pay attention to much more than the taglines anyway. (That’s, BTW, completely not limited to Americans. Most people all over the world know very little about the agendas of the people they elect to make the decisions for them. But that’s a sad topic, and there’s no point getting into it here)

    And yes, I do get your point about having a much better chances of winning by choosing something that the panel of esteemed judges will recognize and like.

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