David Louis Edelman David Louis Edelman

The Jump 225 Jumbo Mega-Bonanza Summer Giveaway, Week 4

This is the final week of my big summer giveaway contest. So if you’re looking to win the David Louis Edelman ouevre, it’s your laaaaaaast chance.

John McCain and Superman

Last week, I challenged you to create the dream presidential ticket with one of the current candidates as president and a comic book superhero as veep. I’ve awarded the prize to Yaron Davidson, who feels that a McCain/Kal-el ticket would be a success. (And no, I’m not rewarding Yaron just because he complained about the unfairness of the Americocentric topic last week. He really did have the best entry.)

McCain should pick Superman as his running mate because:
A. America is looking for strong leadership, and who is stronger than the Man of Steel?
B. Shows that he doesn’t have a problem with illegal aliens, as long as they’re polite, useful, don’t want to be paid for their assistance, and look white.
C. The soldiers in Iraq could use the help with the next surge.
D. With his x-ray vision, Superman could help find oil wells on U.S. soil, and then could immediately drill in to test them.

He also had some good reasons why Superman should campaign with Barack Obama. Which apparently makes the Man of Steel some kind of Joseph Lieberman figure.

Obama should pick Superman as his running mate because:
A. He could finally stick to a position against illegal wiretaps. Superman could listen to all the suspicious conversations by himself, and no good liberal would object to letting anyone use his innate ability freely.
B. Shows that Obama really values diversity, and doesn’t just play the race card for political reasons.
C. By flying people and equipment around, Superman could help to drastically cut the oil consumption of the public sector.
D. Superman can blow a lot of cold air, and help delay global warming.

First runner-up in the contest is clearly Sophia Ahmed, who believes that Obama should be doing his terrorist fist bump with Joseph Dredd.

“Vote Dredd/Obama: The Innocent Have Nothing To Fear”. New! For the first time, compliment your democracy with a totalitarian dictatorship. Next time some creep is violating your rights, know that Hope carries a Lawgiver. Judge Dredd is completely unbribable. His knowledge of the Law is complete and exact. Citizens and perps alike will always get justice. Instant results! No lawyer fees! PLUS — Dredd draws potential assassin fire away from the President, because making a successful hit on Dredd would be the crime coup of the millennium, in any reality! Vote Dredd/Obama, and know your country will always be prepared! Extra-dimensional threats a speciality.

Woman WomanThis entry came in from Cindy Blank-Edelman. (No relation.) (Except, you know, she’s my sister.)

Clearly, Barack Obama should choose Wonder Woman as his running mate. Not only will this placate the many Hillary Clinton supporters who are threatening to vote for McCain, but it will give him a cool invisible plane to fly around in to make campaign appearances. Also, she has a great patriotic costume.

But Cindy wasn’t the only one who picked up on the Obama/Amazonia meme. Mick Summer believes that Wonder Woman’s lasso would be a great asset (though exactly how it’s going to help with Fox News, I’m not clear).

Barack Obama’s ideal 2008 running mate would be Wonder Woman, not necessarily because she would be America’s first female vice president; nor because it would set a precedent for gender equality in American society; nor because she would make a positive female role model for the whole world as well as America; but primarily because her Magic Lasso, which can make anyone tell the truth, would prove extremely useful in the White House, the Supreme Court, and on CNN and Fox News, in cutting through all the political red tape once-and-for-all, and providing all the truth that American citizens are entitled to. The lasso would also make an excellent (and humane) interrogation tool for use on any commander, official, employer, or other suspect, American as well as otherwise.

Not everybody stayed within the same confines of the mainstream. Stephen Stull writes:

(First Comics’) Badger should join McCain’s ticket. They’d almost surely lose, but Badger would get a nice public opinion boost, since he’d finally get to stand next to someone who made him look sane by comparison.

So endeth week 3.


For week 4’s contest — the final contest — I’m going to go back to two sources which (hopefully) should be familiar to everyone reading this blog: Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. And I’m going to ask you the eternal question that has been boggling my mind since fifth grade:

Who would win a deathmatch smackdown fight: Gandalf or Obi-Wan Kenobi, and why? (Or better yet, how?)

Keep in mind that both white-haired old mentors have a way with a sword/saber. Gandalf’s got the Valar on his side, but Obi-Wan Kenobi’s got the Force on his side. And both of them seem to have a facility for coming back from the dead. So tell me who’s gonna win, and why.

Same contest rules apply as before. Email your response to dedelman@gmail.com with the subject line “Summer Giveaway Contest 4″. Entries are due Sunday, July 27 at 11:59 pm Eastern Time. Contest is open to anyone around the world. Submit as many entries as you like. Winning entry gets:

  • One signed copy of the Solaris mass market of Infoquake
  • One signed copy of the Pyr trade paperback of MultiReal
  • One signed copy of The Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, Volume Two (containing my story “Mathralon”)
  • One signed copy of the new Overlook Press edition of Mervyn Peake’s Titus Alone (containing my introduction)

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  1. Free Books - 22 July 2008 < Rat’s Reading on July 22, 2008 at 3:02 am  Chain link

    […] a package of autographed David Louis Edelman books from David Louis Edelman, deadline 27 July. Who would win a deathmatch smackdown fight: Gandalf or […]

  2. Yaron on July 22, 2008 at 10:16 am  Chain link

    Thank you. These things always look much easier when you look at the results, and not actually trying to come up with ideas (and write them at least semi-coherently).
    Though I have to admit that, politicians being politicians, I do sincerely believe that almost every superhero could be good for either side.

    And shame on you, forcing your own sister to join a competition for a chance to get a signed copy of your books. What happened to family values?! 😉

  3. Cindy on July 24, 2008 at 8:16 pm  Chain link

    Thank you for your advocacy, Yaron. It is truly sad that my younger brother would make me join the competition, you are right. Besides that, I read MANY drafts of the books and do I get any royalties? No!

    He didn’t even name a character after me. Sniff.


  4. David Louis Edelman on July 25, 2008 at 11:16 am  Chain link

    I may not have named a character after you, Cindy, but I named a whole book after you. Your middle name is Geosynchron, isn’t it?

  5. Yaron on July 27, 2008 at 7:55 am  Chain link

    And I thought my family had problems…

  6. Cindy on July 27, 2008 at 2:12 pm  Chain link

    Well, I suppose I would agree to change my middle name to Geosynchron. I never liked “Gayle” much, and the initial would stay the same.

    Perhaps I should also change Elijah’s middle name to Infoquake? Nah, I like Isaac better. :-)

    But don’t think you’re off the hook, bub. Geosynchron isn’t even finished yet!

  7. Mick Summer on July 28, 2008 at 2:19 am  Chain link

    Gandalf and Obi-Wan would not get into a deathmatch at all, it would require Gandalf to choose the path of madness and Kenobi to step over to the dark side. This setup won’t go to waste, fortunately–the rift that adjoins these universes could make a new epic.

  8. Yaron on July 28, 2008 at 8:35 am  Chain link

    Mick, of course they could. Consider, as a non-exclusive list of options:

    1. You only need one of them to stray, not both, as the other may join the deathmatch to stop him.
    2. Someone can trick one, or both, of them into thinking the other one (s) have strayed and switched sides. Given that they don’t know each other, it wouldn’t be difficult to present either one as a dangerous evil person (Heck, Obi-Wan is evil, the same as anyone who uses mental compulsion to force the minds of other sentient beings into agreeing with him and serving him).
    3. Someone may force them to do it, with a threat they have no other obvious way of neutralizing.
    4. Someone may use any of various forms of mind control to make them believe a death match with the other is necessary.
    5. They can be drugged with materials that increase aggressiveness, or increase paranoia, potentially with some hallucinogenic effects.
    6. The questions wasn’t whether they will fight, it was what would happen if they fought. Maybe it’s not a fight between Gandalf and Obi-Wan, but a fight between two other people who have identical skill sets with Gandalf and Obi-Wan?
    7. Or even an advanced computer simulation of a fight between Gandalf and Obi-Wan; Like the kind you could easily run in a Star-Trek style holographic chamber?
    8. Or just a gedankenexperiment? Like, for example, it really is? 😉

    There are many many options. Don’t fight it. Play along.

  9. David Louis Edelman on July 28, 2008 at 8:57 am  Chain link

    I could have thrown Albus Dumbledore into the mix too. And Morpheus. And perhaps Duncan Idaho…?

  10. Yaron on July 28, 2008 at 11:12 am  Chain link

    Morpheus?! The one who is a completely regular, if highly annoying, guy once you plug him out of his VR environment?
    Well, I suppose a first round with him might be alright, just to make sure there’s plenty of blood and gore spread all over the arena making everything slippery…

  11. David Louis Edelman on July 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm  Chain link

    Yeah, but who says the fight occurs out of the VR environment? C’mon, we all know that Gandalf and Obi-Wan are both slaves to the Matrix.

  12. Yaron on July 29, 2008 at 7:34 am  Chain link

    Hmm… Can’t argue with that. Being inside the Matrix will certainly take care of all the silly questions about how the magic system, or the force, work. And, well, there’s no way to tell you’re inside the Matrix from the inside.

  13. Mick on August 2, 2008 at 5:30 am  Chain link

    I think the Matrix was created by Sauron.

  14. Yaron on August 12, 2008 at 12:27 pm  Chain link

    Hi David, just wanted to say that the package arrived.
    Thanks again!

    The production values of the giveaway pack were entirely inconsistent, though. Two books came signed by the author, but another one came signed only by the person writing the introduction, and another one just by the person who wrote a single story in a large collection. A serious lack of attention to details here. 😉

  15. David Louis Edelman on August 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm  Chain link

    Yaron: What you fail to realize is that “Mervyn Peake” and all of the other names in the Solaris anthology are simply pseudonyms of mine. I wrote everything. And designed the covers. And did the typesetting.

  16. Yaron on August 12, 2008 at 1:42 pm  Chain link

    Ah, I see. That’s perfectly alright then. You are a man of very many talents. And I can certainly see you being (at least some of) all the writers in the anthology.

    Though you being Mervyn Peake does give the first paragraph of the Titus Alone introduction a certain… interesting dimension. Crumbling mind, and all.

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