David Louis Edelman David Louis Edelman

The Jump 225 Jumbo Mega-Bonanza Summer Giveaway (Finale)

In the last contest of my mega-summer giveaway, I asked the all-important question that eight-year-olds have been wondering since the world was young: who would win a deathmatch smackdown, Obi-Wan Kenobi or Gandalf?

The number of entries was pretty pathetic, which makes me feel rather pathetic. I’ve been neglecting this blog terribly over the past few months, and Google Analytics reflects it.

Gandalf with a Light SaberBut that doesn’t make me any less enthusiastic about awarding the final prize to loyal reader Josh Vogt. Josh writes:

I’m assuming we’re talking about the “old” Obi-wan, since it’d be great to see two hoary-haired mentor figures going head to head. Now, after they both got all frowny and had a bushy-browed staring contest, Gandalf would win the ultimate showdown (bridge locale optional). Why? Because Obi-wan has a suicidal death wish. Just stick any young Jedi-wannabe within ten feet of the old guy, and the moment anyone takes a swing at his head, whether with a staff or light saber, the dude’s going to get a mystical smile on his face, cue a little emotional background music, and let himself get decapitated into a pile of dirty laundry. Because he’s just that enigmatic. He wouldn’t dare sacrifice all that mystique for the sake of winning any kind of fight. Gandalf is much more pragmatic and at least provides substantial opposition, making sure his enemy is down for the count (preferably cast down upon the mountainside) before even letting himself take a breather.

Congratulations, Josh, you’ve won the David Louis Edelman prize pack, which includes:

  • One signed copy of the Solaris mass market of Infoquake
  • One signed copy of the Pyr trade paperback of MultiReal
  • One signed copy of The Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, Volume Two (containing my story “Mathralon”)
  • One signed copy of the new Overlook Press edition of Mervyn Peake’s Titus Alone (containing my introduction)

The only other entry of note came from Derek Johnson, who writes:

This is easy: Gandalf wins hands down.  He defeated the Balrog, and traversed the belly of Middle Earth in the process.  All Obi-Wan ever did was turn into a ghost.  Obi-Wan couldn’t even stop the chosen one from turning to the dark side of the Force.

The “how” is even easier.  Because magic in Tolkien is something of a technology, he could sap Obi-Wan of his midichlorians, which are the key elements in accessing the Force.

The topic also came up in the comments for the last contest of what would happen if you added Morpheus, Albus Dumbledore, and Duncan Idaho to the mix. Personally, I think Morpheus would kick all of their asses — because you know that the powers of all the others are simply delusions forcefed down their neural cortexes by the Matrix.

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  1. Josh on July 29, 2008 at 10:55 am  Chain link

    Hey, very cool. Thanks, David! Fun contests that brought in some creative entries. I can’t wait to read Multireal, and re-read Infoquake, which of course will be an entirely different experience because, you know, different cover art makes it a brand new story, right?

  2. Yaron on July 29, 2008 at 12:52 pm  Chain link

    Different experience? so I should keep my old Infoquake, instead of donating it to… ahem… charity upon receiving the new, and improvedsigned, version?

  3. Yaron on July 29, 2008 at 12:55 pm  Chain link

    Oh, and BTW, disregarding Morpheus et al, Gandalf would have won because, unlike most other magic systems, the Force is really lousy when it comes to ranged attacks. But Josh’s explanation is much more entertaining, while still being quite true.

  4. Mick on July 29, 2008 at 7:47 pm  Chain link

    A battle royale with Gandalf, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Albus Dumbledore, Morpheus…and Duncan Idaho? What are you thinking? In Dune, he was in 2 seconds done in by a toy! Given that Duncan can hold his own against all the mighty ones, he won’t last long with a hunter-seeker (that cheap little flying widget) just as none of the above would. Beware the flying toys, he who controls them wins all.

  5. David Louis Edelman on July 29, 2008 at 9:11 pm  Chain link

    A battle royale with Gandalf, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Albus Dumbledore, Morpheus…and Duncan Idaho? What are you thinking?

    Yeah, that occurred to me too. But I couldn’t think who else from the Dune books I could use. Thufir Hawat? One of the Bene Gesserit? There really wasn’t a Wise Older Mentor in Dune, unless I’m forgetting someone.

  6. Mick on July 29, 2008 at 10:34 pm  Chain link

    Gurney Halleck comes close to the Wise Mentor/Master Warrior type, since he has age, wisdom, fighting skills, and powerful gadgets, however he does not have the highly acute abilities of a mentat, bene gesserit or a guild navigator. No matter, give him extra melange and one of those gom jabbar pinky rings, and he’ll qualify.

  7. Yaron on July 30, 2008 at 7:14 am  Chain link

    Duncan does have one major redeeming quality, he keeps coming back. Well, being brought back. But in any case it means that whoever kicks his ass in the deathmatch will just have to get back to it again, and again, and again. The old geezers would die off, and the rest would just get so bored they may prefer to lose the rematch and be done with it.

  8. Mick on July 30, 2008 at 6:11 pm  Chain link

    Maybe David picked the wrong Duncan. Instead of Dune, look to Highlander for Duncan Macleod. He’ll absorb all the powers of whoever he kills, and apparently as in the 4th movie, the soul as well. If he wins the Battle Royale, everyone might still live.

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